Post-call

My call night was uneventful until I was paged at 5 in the morning for a craniectomy. The nice thing about anesthesia is that at the end of my shift, the case was only two-thirds finished but someone else took over for me and I was able to go home. The unfortunate neurosurgeons were still plodding away.

Since I'd been away from the external world for 25 hours, I was unprepared when I stepped outside and met the first really cold day of the season. It was in the mid-40's--not cold at all by New England standards-- but we're just getting started. In a few months I'll be acclimated to single-digit temperatures.

When I got home, I slept for a few hours. Got up and am eating leftovers from the dinner Chris made two nights ago. Contemplating a shower and getting my day started. It's chilly in the apartment, and quiet-- the dogs and cat are fast asleep, accustomed as they are to being alone during the day.

It takes time to step away from our memories before we can fully understand them. Four months after internship, I'm now starting to make sense of it-- my life in the other city, apartment, hospital, and the friends whom I no longer keep in touch with but now miss dearly. The cold, quiet apartment today makes me remember my Night Float month last January, when I worked nights and slept during the day. It was a hard month, 84 hours of work per week, but I was happy. Actually, I was happy for most of my internship year. I don't think I'm as happy anymore now, in the new city, apartment, hospital, and field of anesthesia... but I don't know. Again, I think it'll take time before I can have perspective.

I've blogged for over four years now and have never been able to write more regularly than once or twice a week. Medical school, internship, and now residency keep me busy and I don't write unless I have something interesting to say. But these days, I'm trying to write more frequently to help me stay sane. They mentioned at the meeting on Monday that part of what makes anesthesia residency hard is that we're in the operating room without really talking to anyone all day long. The surgeons talk amongst themselves, and we usually end up listening to their conversation, but without participating. There are too many things going on in the anesthesia side that require constant vigilance. The constant stress and isolation are a few of the things that make me unhappy. I don't compensate for it when I come home; I'm too tired to talk much with Chris and I end up ignoring most of the phone calls I get from friends.

Anyway, I signed up for this NaBloPoMo, which I'd seen other bloggers do last year. You have to write a post every day for the month of November and maybe win a prize at the end. Get ready for a lot of complaining about residency, as that seems to be the only topic I can talk about every day ad nauseam.