In the field of medicine, one should never get their hopes up. I woke up a little later today (5:02 am) and took my time coming to work. I thought that surely there would be no cases added today, the day before Thanksgiving. Of course I was wrong. Not only did I get a case, I probably got the sickest patient in the entire hospital. I had been placed on standby in the cardiac room, which is typically reserved for coronary bypass surgeries and other cases which are too advanced for my level of training (we don't do cardiac months until next year). The case was a frightening maelstrom and I basically felt like an idiot the whole time. Probably anyone at my level of training would have felt the same way.

Lately I've been getting panicky feelings every day, at the mere thought of an upcoming case. Stomach churning, heart racing, muscles tensing up. I'm not sure why. I think I may have lost some of my confidence after a few blunders this past week. Blunders in anesthesia means near-death misses for the patient.

Chris came home today with a bouquet of 11 roses. The 12th rose had fallen off on the ride home, so he'd placed it behind his ear. He'd also written a card for Thanksgiving and said he was thankful for having me in his life :-).